Breathe

inhale
exhale
breathe
inhale
my heart pounds
and adrenaline rushes
my nerves take over
and I'm drowning in fear
I'm scared of you
actually...
I'm terrified
because you and only you
have my heart's strings
wrapped around your fingers
exhale
breathe
I tell myself
"you'll be fine"
even if I'm far from believing it
inhale
you flash that smile
and for a second
I forgot how contagious it is

bliss

right now is bliss
soft touch, warm kiss
tomorrow will be Hell
the devil inside us both
but the sweetest
yesterday, bittersweet,
being feeling,
not worrying about
time
ticking away,
living in the moment,
happiest I'll ever be
comfort, fear, content, anger,
confusion
right now
bliss

Posession

I look in the mirror
and don't like what I see.
Who is this girl?
This girl isn't me.

I've made mistakes.
With myself, it's a war.
I've broken many bones
and I'll break many more.

I'm messing things up,
and I don't know how.
I don't think before I act
but I have to change that now.

I wish I could see
and get back to sane.
But you know what they say -
with every cloud, there comes rain.

I'm tripping and stumbling
over my own two feet.
Where is the old me?
It's her I want to meet.

This stranger possessed me
and took over my soul.
I need to find me
and get back to my whole.

Tomatoes

Tomatoes
Red,
Plump

Atop
The
Counter

Beads
Dripping
Down

P.S.

He held me like he used to
So tight like before
He held me like he would
Never let go...
     and then he let go

Toxic

Wishes don't come true
Love doesn't exist
Dreams are make believe
And fantasies are missed

Now your kisses make me sick
Hugs with no meaning
I die just a little
Every time we're meeting

Holding your hand
Makes me cold
If it wasn't for hopeless hope
My soul would be sold

Drag me to Hell
To wherever you're standing
You're self destructive
Not one safe landing

If love is paranoia
Anger or fear
Then I love you
More than anything my dear

To Winter

Hello good friend!
You were the first one I met in this world
and the greatest companion.
You may have made me shiver
but oh my,
it was worth it when I felt warm at the sight
of different shades of
whites, grays, and faded blues.
When I saw the fallen trees
sprinkled with ice.
I love you, Winter,
for showing me beauty in simplicity,
perfection in ease,
loveliness in purity.

A Secret Affair

I met someone so perfect for me.

So sweet, and funny, and smart.

He knew so much about the universe,

and he quickly attracted my heart.

The first meetings were innocent,

two new people befriending.

Each day we spent together

had an unfortunate ending.

 

So much changed when I learned

he was not alone,

but I still got excited

to see his name appear in my phone.

 

We were swimming somewhere dangerous,

we knew that it was bad.

We could not quite stop

embracing the opportunities we had.

 

Then he brought me somewhere beautiful - 

the greatest view.

Melting in closeness,

I was afraid of what we would do.

 

We were drowning in temptation,

and it just happened so quickly.

I will never forget the moment

when I shared with him completely.

It took some convincing,

a short little fight.

I was going back and forth - 

YOLO... right?

 

But then everything went wrong.

Time and space were bending.

Our newly formed friendship

had an unfortunate ending.

 

His feelings changed

just like a boy.

It is always the players

and I am just the toy.

My decisions really shook me.

I felt as if I was spiraling down a black hole.

This feeling reminded me

of how I have never felt whole.

My mistakes linger in the stars.

I look up and lose my breath.

The time short lived with him

I should have known would end in death.

Everywhere I go

he is in everything I see,

not because of love

but because he is haunting me.