I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time trying to identify all the things that do not bring me happiness.
Learning to recognize things that hurt me that I’ve felt like I had sweep the under the rug for the sake of someone else’s feelings or happiness.
Things that I never want to feel again.
It took me a long time to be able to tell myself I deserve to feel things better than I have felt.
That I deserve more.
It’s still hard to remind myself of that and truly believe it.
So, yes, I obviously find plenty of moments of happiness.
But I also imagine a life where more of that exists for myself.
I know that life exists because I’ve told myself I deserve that better and happier and more fulfilling life.
I’ve told myself that that life exists, that that feeling exists.
I think part of what makes me excited about more with you and about a future with you is because you make me happy too.
You have already shown me that the things I’ve tried to convince myself I deserve as far as a partner and a relationship are actually possible.
You are showing me that a man can be patient, respect boundaries, give attention and actually express how he is feeling.
You are beautiful.
You are showing me that the life I want is out there somewhere.
You give me hope -
Not just that I could experience a love I’ve only dreamed of,
But that I’ll be truly happy someday.
