Wednesday, June 27, 2018

a Broken Relationship


It started with an attraction
A connection
Modern technology
Introduced me to perfection

We met on the internet and quickly became very close. Late night phone calls, many visits. He lived about an hour from me until he moved in the area for college. The time we had together was spent cooking, kissing, and sleeping. Our 2 year relationship consisted of a one-sided love and no commitment. It became so hard for me to bear being with him. I knew many times that when he looked in my eyes, I was not the girl he wanted me to be. We developed a very real friendship and that is something that is never easy to let go of. But I knew that whatever it was that we had would slowly destroy me. His kiss, his skin, his companionship was my weakness and he knew that. Every time I would try and distance myself, he could sense it and he would pull me back in. He told me that he didn’t want to be together, but he loved being with me, and he loved touching my skin and being around me and spending time with me. He liked me, he said. But not in the way I wanted him to.

He left this watch on my desk when he came over once. When I told him he left it, he told me to throw it away. For some reason I couldn’t trash his old cologne scented watch. I would lay in my bed late at night and listen to the constant ticking as if he was always right there with me. I didn’t even notice the day that it stopped ticking. Letting go of someone who has made me feel my best is something very hard for me to do, but letting go of someone who has made me feel my worst is necessary.

His watch remained on my nightstand and became a constant reminder of what it felt like to love someone who could not love you back. Little by little, as I rid him from my life, I allowed myself to take another step on the path to true happiness.

I'm not sure how to let you go
Or even if I want to
I just wish I could tell you
How much I really love you

It gets harder every time
My heart is feeling sore
And as much as I love you
I can't do it anymore

Monday, December 4, 2017

#9

You told me I was too much, I wasn't enough
You told me my only purpose
was just to occupy another line
on your to-do list
You used me, though I was sure I mattered
I was more
You've never said anything
more profoundly clarifying
than when you said nothing

I hope the tenth time's the charm.