Don't Forget About Me

"Don't forget about me."

That's what I always say.

But please understand

I say it because

I don't know how to say that I care about you,

and I want to see you more,

and let our friendship or relationship flourish.

I say it because

I don't know how to say I’m fragile.

And every time I say something I shouldn't have,

in my mind, every puzzle piece to our connection

is destroyed...

and it's my fault.

I say it because

I don't know how to say I'm lonely.

And I'm hesitant to reach out to you for time

because I so often am forgotten —

an afterthought.

Like I’m just something to occupy time

until something better comes along.

I say it because I don't know how to say I'm scared.

I'm scared to lose someone I care about,

and to admit that I care about you so much already,

and I think about you often.

I'm scared because I give everything to other people

and I fear that if you leave

you will take all those parts of me with you

and I will constantly be left feeling

empty,

broken,

alone.

I know you're not like those other people that left me

but they too said they were different .

So please,

don't forget about me.

a Broken Relationship

It started with an attraction

A connection

Modern technology

Introduced me to perfection

We met on the internet and quickly became very close. Late night phone calls, many visits. He lived about an hour from me until he moved in the area for college. The time we had together was spent cooking, kissing, and sleeping. Our 2 year relationship consisted of a one-sided love and no commitment. It became so hard for me to bear being with him. I knew many times that when he looked in my eyes, I was not the girl he wanted me to be. We developed a very real friendship and that is something that is never easy to let go of. But I knew that whatever it was that we had would slowly destroy me. His kiss, his skin, his companionship were my weaknesses and he knew that. Every time I would try and distance myself, he could sense it and he would pull me back in. He told me that he didn’t want to be together, but he loved being with me, and he loved touching my skin and being around me and spending time with me. He liked me, he said. But not in the way I wanted him to.

He left this watch on my desk when he came over once. When I told him he left it, he told me to throw it away. For some reason I couldn’t trash his old cologne scented watch. I would lay in my bed late at night and listen to the constant ticking as if he was always right there with me. I didn’t even notice the day that it stopped ticking. Letting go of someone who has made me feel my best is something very hard for me to do, but letting go of someone who has made me feel my worst is necessary.

His watch remained on my nightstand and became a constant reminder of what it felt like to love someone who could not love me back. Little by little, as I rid him from my life, I allowed myself to take another step on the path to true happiness.

I'm not sure how to let you go

Or even if I want to

I just wish I could tell you

How much I really love you

It gets harder every time

My heart is feeling sore

And as much as I love you

I can't do it anymore