I miss the future

14 days….
He said, “I'm excited for our future together.”
14 days before he broke my heart.

Two days before that he sent me photos of an apartment he said he could see us in together.
I saw it too.
I was already filling the walls with photos of us and all the places we’d travel to.
I saw all the dinners we’d share in the big white kitchen.
a cozy bedroom… where I can imagine we’d spend most of our time…
Being close, finding new ways to love each other — 
and of course the Mario Kart battles.

Five days before that
He said, “I want to be someone you could see yourself marrying.”
And,
“We are just getting started.”

If I knew the end was just 21 days away… I would’ve kept him on my lips a little longer.

194 days after he broke my heart 
I asked him if he really meant all the things he said about a future with me…
He said, “I don't remember.”

But how could that loving future we were building … or his desire to grow with me… just fade from his memory?

How does someone just …. forget?

I wonder how many days he knew,
Or how many hours he tried to plan what to say,
or what bullshit excuse to give me.

1,015 days after he broke my heart
I haven't forgotten
1,015 days and I still miss that future.
But now it’s just a black and white photo hanging on the wall of that home…
Just a memory.