Lets Play a Game…

            Truth

What is your favorite color?

Do you like Pizza?

Do you like bugs?

How old were you when you had your first kiss?

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

            Dare

Wear only the color you hate the most for a full 24 hours.

Eat as many slices of pizza as you can in 10 minutes.

Hold a bug.

Next time you kiss someone, make it amazing.

Go.

                        Truth

            If you won the lottery , what would you do with the money?

            What is your biggest dream?

            What is your biggest accomplishment?

            Who hurt you?

                        Dare    

            Donate $10 to a charity.

            Follow it.

            Do more.

            Forgive them.

           

                                    Truth

                        Who loved you?

                        What is your biggest fear?

                        Do you have any regrets?

                                    Dare

                        Thank them.

                        Don’t let it defeat you.

                        Learn from it.

                                                Truth

                                    Who is the one that got away?

                                    What is something you always wanted to tell them but
                                    didn’t?

                                                Dare

                                    Find them.

                                    Tell them.

                                                            Truth

                                                What is something you’ve always wanted to do
                                                but never had the courage?

                                                            Dare

                                                Do it.

Pretty For A Day

I woke up this morning and lifted my head from the pillow,

stretched out my arms, pointed my toes to the wall, inhaled deeply, and felt a wave of chills awake every nerve in my body.

My feet carried me to the mirror where I stared a while and felt my heart start to destabilize.

I pulled my hair behind my ears and rubbed my eyes.

I reached for my untouched bag of tools and prepared to endure the long process of curling my eyelashes, my hair, and my smile.

Finishing by painting a soft shade of pink on my lips.

I smoothed my hands over the wrinkles of my dress, slipped on some shoes, and locked the door behind me.

As I strolled around town from place to place with rehearsed confidence, I embraced every compliment with humility and a "thank you," getting higher every time I saw someone turn their head.

Attention had never been more appealing.

After a long day of being showered with positivity, I headed home.

I unraveled the costume I displayed all day and felt relief with the reveal.

The reflection of my dark pupils in the glass in front of me made me uneasy, as if they really are the windows to my soul.

I lie my head on the pillow with a shaky smile and I remind myself that being pretty for a day won't make me forget how ugly you made me feel.

 

Halloween

Little ghouls and goblins
Crowd the streets for candy.
They're on the prowl.
Then slowly,
Ever so slowly,
One of them edges towards your door.
The little goblins hand
Reaches up bangs on the door.
TRICK OR TREAT!
But you don’t have any candy…

Nature

A deer-
so graceful,
putting its lips to a warbling brook.
Prancing through the forest,
not making a sound
other than crushing leaves
below its hooves.
Stays so graceful-
so radiant….
Until hunting season.

It's Just Too Much

The corruption, the greed,
World leaders destroying what took so long to build.
Is peace too much to ask for?
Too big a burden, too heavy a load?
Much of life is enough
With such a disconnect in everything.
Us in the world need to be united not divided.

I Am No Stranger

I watched it take many close to me –
death –
I am no stranger.

I never got to meet my father’s mother
who everyone says I look just like.
Cancer took her when my dad was 18.
“She would have just adored you,”
they all say,
but ill never get to know just how much she would have.

I saw my daddy cry so hard he could hardly speak.
“I'm gonna try and get through this so bear with me,”
he said at his adoptive fathers funeral,
his real father.
Cancer took him when my dad was in his 40s.
He watched as they pulled the plug and drove home in tears.
It hurt me to see him hurt.

My mother felt it too.
Her father passed a year later
and we all watched him
attached to machines that breathed for him.
It was dementia that made him forget he was hungry
and other diseases that got him.
I saw him open casket
and kissed his cold hard cheek.
“I mss my daddy,” she said.
What an emptiness we felt.

I'm not afraid of inevitably dying;
I cant waste time running.
I'm just afraid of how the people I love
are going to remember me at my last moments.

My First Time (second draft)

my body rolled into the sheets

pierced with goosebumps

i melted under you

holding me close

skin to skin

lips to lips

my nails dug into your shoulders

kisses

down my neck

down my side

my leg

your leg

arranged with complexity

pure ecstasy

my innocence disappeared in a breath

My First Time (first draft)

my body sank into the sheets

pierced with goosebumps

i melted under you

soft whispers of reassurance

a brush of my face

down my neck

down my side

my leg

your leg

intertwined with complexity

pure ecstasy

my innocence disappeared in a breath

The Things I Need To Say

I can't say "I don't know"
Because that is a little girl's answer
I can't ask to use the restroom
Because I should have gone at lunch
I can't say my dog ate my homework
Because that's the oldest lie in the book
Even though that little rascal made his way in my bag last night
I can't say I need help
Because I should have been paying attention
Even though I can't stop worrying if she will get better
I can't ask for extra time
Because they give me enough time
Even though I'm drowning in all the other work I need to do
I wish I could admit how much I'm struggling
Because trying this hard to keep up is embarrassing
I wish I could ask for after school tutoring just
Because I really really don't wanna go home
I wish I could say a lot to my teacher
Because I need to say something to someone
And my educators, my heroes in the classroom
Should be those people
The shit I can't say to my teachers
Are the things I need to say the most

Complexity

 yes, I miss you
I miss when you made me believe you thought I was beautiful
and god, I know you did
I know you felt something
I know you did
I felt it
safe
but maybe meant to be broken
love
I loved you
love
it still hurts to remember you
and look in your eyes
trying to forget what was
trying to forget how imperfect you are
but how you did and still do the most perfect things
I could still smell you on the bed you slept in last night
you make me feel again
your leftover presence
still gets me going
I know you care
I know you do
the way you talk about me when you dont know I know how sweet you sound
how thoughtful and caring you can be
I know you care
when you cover me with a blanket in the middle of the night
maybe love
I see it
in the way you look into my eyes
into me
digging deep and kissing my heart
if I'm wrong
I'll admit I'm delusional
but if I'm right
.....

One in Six Billion

I'm constantly among my friends and enemies.
We all shine so bright,
but none of us feel so special.
We look down and see specks;
so beautiful,
breathtaking.
Why can't I be as phenomenal as they?
Such a world away,
and looking down
makes me feel so small,
so insignificant.
There's so many of us
but so many more
down below.
Too many to count.
Brighter than even us.
The king comes out to play with us
after the queen hides us
to bring light to everything that's
"more important."
Like I said,
none of us feel so special.

STUDENT

Spinning a pencil on a page
Trying to absorb the best in the room
Understanding the unknown
Doing more
Exploring the infinite possibilities
Noticing the strength you bear
Trusting in your ability

Ocean

 My heart is like an ocean.
Vast and deep.
Inside my heart you can find the sweet innocent sea lions and little fishies that go with the flow.
The occasional whale, huge and heavy and it weighs me down.
Sometimes you'll see a beautiful dolphin flipping to get attention.
Then there's the shark.
Evil.
Dangerous.
Thrives on impulse and fear and can smell a wound and will rip it apart without hesitation.
Sometimes the water is so calm you can see the seagulls waiting to tear a fish apart.
On the other hand, once in a while the waves can get treacherous.
You can hardly hear the seagulls squawking over the sound of waves crashing onto waves.
Its a deadly storm
but its worth the swim.

Perfection

I wish I could capture this beauty
The sound
the smell
The sea above my head
But not even a photograph could capture this moment right
mere perfection
absolute bliss
So totally peaceful
I wish I could lay here forever but I have school tomorrow.
The crickets
The sprinklers next door
A glow shining down on me from the rain soaked clouds
Ohh how I wish I could lay here forever.... preferably alone.

"I Love You"

I have been waiting for you to say those three simple words since the moment my lips first met yours,
But I never thought it would be like this.

The first time you said you loved me,
I didn't believe you,

And I admitted it in a chuckle, shielding my pulsing heart accompanied by desperate thoughts of,
"What if he really means it?"
As my eyes glued to the screen in my palm, my fingers trembled, my ears absorbed the soothing sound of a begging voice, I inhaled the scent of a late night companion, and my tongue reminisced the taste of you.
I've never heard a lie so convincing that it makes me second guess all the tears I cried for you.
And after two years of, "It's complicated," and wishing that you wanted me like I wanted you, and being broken and rejected, you finally utter the words that could make me forget all of the things I hate about you,
Meanwhile reminding me of your response when I said them to you,

"No you don't."

I don't believe you.
And I will fight to the death for the moment when I am finally able to let you go.