Why did I stay?
It’s hard to say.
As much as I hurt and felt like I knew I would be better without him,
there was some part of me that said I would regret it if I left.
I always thought he didn't care enough to notice anything about me.
The one time he irritated me by saying,
“That would look better with shorts,”
I forgot about the times he was able to describe my outfit from the day before,
from my earrings all the way down to my shoes
and remind me I looked beautiful.
He could even describe the inside of my house,
and he remembered which room was what
and could recite to me at least one memory we had in each of those rooms.
He brought me flowers once.
A beautiful bouquet of flowers
and raspberry cheesecake ice cream.
We were close.
We were close the day we laid in his bed,
both in tears, opening our hearts to each other and talking about our fears and struggles in life.
We were close.
He eventually took me on our first date.
And he kissed me… in public.
It was real. There was passion.
One time, him and I kissed so deeply, slow, and gentle,
as he leaned me against the side of his car with his hands through my hair.
My legs were around his hips, my heart was pounding, and my phone was ringing.
There were times when he made me feel so special.
Sometimes he would just stare at me, silent, with the slightest smile and longest gaze,
and I begged for him to say words.
“You’re beautiful.”
Why did I stay?
That's why.
Because no matter how much he hurt me,
I remembered how sweet and thoughtful he could be,
and how he could make me smile.
I liked what we had the potential to be.
We always found our way back to each other.
He always found his way back to me.
My friends thought it was just for sex.
That was the only answer.
They were wrong.
Yes, he made me feel my best.
But even though he also made me feel my worst
I thought there was no way I could find something better.
Like maybe I didn’t deserve anything better.
Why did I stay?
I wanted him to love me.
He felt at least a little of what I felt,
he just showed it in a very different way.
I wanted to be the girl he saw when he looked into my eyes.
But I couldn't be what he wanted
and he couldn't be what I wanted.
He was right… I was not the one for him.
Potential magic led to a flood of mistakes on both sides,
but we will forever share something deep that will not be forgotten.
Last time he saw me
he reminded me I'm irresistible.
Put his girlfriend out of his mind and kissed me.
Whenever he wanted to explore me I always gave him the map and
this time was no different.
But when I was driving home, I felt more empty inside than I ever did.
After this I was done.
It took me too many years of trying so hard to trust someone that I shouldn't
and justifying both of our behavior.
We were toxic.
I hope I deserve something better than that.
But now… I think I am free.
It is finally over,
I am trying to be happy
And my broken heart is struggling to beat again.
It’s hard to say.
As much as I hurt and felt like I knew I would be better without him,
there was some part of me that said I would regret it if I left.
I always thought he didn't care enough to notice anything about me.
The one time he irritated me by saying,
“That would look better with shorts,”
I forgot about the times he was able to describe my outfit from the day before,
from my earrings all the way down to my shoes
and remind me I looked beautiful.
He could even describe the inside of my house,
and he remembered which room was what
and could recite to me at least one memory we had in each of those rooms.
He brought me flowers once.
A beautiful bouquet of flowers
and raspberry cheesecake ice cream.
We were close.
We were close the day we laid in his bed,
both in tears, opening our hearts to each other and talking about our fears and struggles in life.
We were close.
He eventually took me on our first date.
And he kissed me… in public.
It was real. There was passion.
One time, him and I kissed so deeply, slow, and gentle,
as he leaned me against the side of his car with his hands through my hair.
My legs were around his hips, my heart was pounding, and my phone was ringing.
There were times when he made me feel so special.
Sometimes he would just stare at me, silent, with the slightest smile and longest gaze,
and I begged for him to say words.
“You’re beautiful.”
Why did I stay?
That's why.
Because no matter how much he hurt me,
I remembered how sweet and thoughtful he could be,
and how he could make me smile.
I liked what we had the potential to be.
We always found our way back to each other.
He always found his way back to me.
My friends thought it was just for sex.
That was the only answer.
They were wrong.
Yes, he made me feel my best.
But even though he also made me feel my worst
I thought there was no way I could find something better.
Like maybe I didn’t deserve anything better.
Why did I stay?
I wanted him to love me.
He felt at least a little of what I felt,
he just showed it in a very different way.
I wanted to be the girl he saw when he looked into my eyes.
But I couldn't be what he wanted
and he couldn't be what I wanted.
He was right… I was not the one for him.
Potential magic led to a flood of mistakes on both sides,
but we will forever share something deep that will not be forgotten.
Last time he saw me
he reminded me I'm irresistible.
Put his girlfriend out of his mind and kissed me.
Whenever he wanted to explore me I always gave him the map and
this time was no different.
But when I was driving home, I felt more empty inside than I ever did.
After this I was done.
It took me too many years of trying so hard to trust someone that I shouldn't
and justifying both of our behavior.
We were toxic.
I hope I deserve something better than that.
But now… I think I am free.
It is finally over,
I am trying to be happy
And my broken heart is struggling to beat again.
