More Than Just Words

            Stephen King said, "The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them." I put my most important thoughts on paper and even though words never entirely express how I'm truly feeling, I've never felt more complete than with a pen and a paper.

            Eighth grade. That’s when inspiration first struck. It was a poster of sixteen different butterflies on the wall in my classroom that caught my attention. I don’t think I had ever been more fascinated with the colors, shapes, and sizes of butterflies. It was at that time that I first felt the strong motivation to express myself and be creative and tell a nice story. I saw the poster and a fire ignited in my body. And I started to write.

            After that, I wrote a poem about trusting in your self and being your own friend. The praise I got for that piece encouraged the hell out of me and it was especially meaningful because it was some of my deepest thoughts that I expressed. Belief. Confidence. Independence. I had written something beautiful that others appreciated and they pushed me to do more. Life was seen through new eyes after that. Discovering that way of expression had changed me. My deepest fears and thoughts are what I wrote. The things I could never talk to anyone about. Somehow it felt safer to have it written down, like no one could take those feelings away from me because they were recorded in ink. Every experience became a new addition to my table of contents, and the list grew and grew. The first time I fell in love, I spun words on the page so effortlessly. My heart was thriving and I felt like if I had people read it, I wanted them to feel as good as I felt. I was happy. My first heartbreak, and second heartbreak, and third filled the lines with tears. If I had people read it, I wanted them to feel as sad as I felt. I wanted sympathy and comfort; sometimes my expressions were cries for help.

            Poetry had been the best outlet for me to not keep in my emotions. My mom always tried to get me to talk when I had stuff on my mind. "It’s not good to keep things bottled up," she'd say. I'd reply, "Well, that’s why I write."

           I was in high school when my parents split up. I felt my situation was so unique, no one could ever relate. At the time, I had been writing for the school newspaper and I was urged to compose an article about divorce in families to remind students that they were not alone, and it's okay to not understand. A student wrote me a letter thanking me for the write. She felt like she wasn’t the only one going through a tough time; there were others out there like her. In retrospect, it really helped the both of us get through a painful time. This made me realize my purpose on this Earth, to change lives through my writing, to make a difference,

            There was a time when I had stopped writing. Life became a blur and getting through the day became so difficult. My inspiration disappeared. I was broken. It was as if I was a flower vase that someone had dropped and put off sweeping up the shards of smooth glass. The one thing that always made me feel better when I struggled, my escape, I had no motivation to do. In a time where I needed to find myself, I lost my magnifying glass. My mind became a prison - I was trapped and quiet. A pen and paper was the driving force that bailed me out. One night, I was feeling powerful, hopeful,  like happiness was a possibility again. So I started to write.

            Writing to me is the most special thing to share; it’s a part of yourself you are giving to someone, and to me, that is beautiful and I am lucky to be involved in something so impactful. Everyone wants a voice. Everyone desires to be heard. Stephen King summed it up best when he said, "That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."